I never go to Sunday School.
But, this past Sunday as I was looking for a quiet place to sit and read I passed by the Sunday School classroom and heard our pastor’s voice. I decided to sneak in because I respect him and thought it might be good.
Part of the discussion was centered on Genesis 22, the story of Abraham and Isaac going to Mt. Moriah where Isaac was to be sacrificed. I’ve never understood this story, never liked it and because of that I generally give it a cursory read, jump to the ending with the ram in the thicket, think happy thoughts about Jesus and move on. But many non-Christians and even Christians asked me about this when I was a pastor and I was stumped. I’d put them off by trying to get them to sidestep to the ram like I did. “See, God didn’t let Abraham go through with it, He provided the ram so it’s all good and Jesus loves you.”
But it was not all good. The issue is that God actually did command Abraham to kill his son. Isaac, a human being, was to be sacrificed and this was at the command of the same God that I want to believe is gracious, loving, kind etc. Not to mention that Isaac is the fulfillment of the promise God made to Abraham to multiply his descendents. So God seems to be going counter to all that He is. He is breaking His promise, His own covenant. It doesn’t matter that the story has a happy ending; God still creates this situation where Abraham is wrestling with His command for three days.
I see this as a different category than Job’s suffering. At least with Job I can look at it and see that God didn’t “cause” the suffering he went through. God withdrew His hand of protection or blessing for a time and Satan had a field day with Job. I don’t like that but there’s no rule that says God has to always protect and bless so I’m ok with the story being in my Bible. Genesis 22 on the other hand doesn’t seem to fit. I literally wanted to take a sharpie and black out the story. It seems to show a God who’s character is at least flawed if not entirely cruel.
I talked to Pastor Doug after class about my struggles. Verse one says that God was “testing” Abraham, Abraham shows that he is faithful and God reaffirms the covenant. Ok, I’m good with that understanding of Ancient Near East Covenant reaffirmation. But I can’t get past the fact that God still commands this horrible, outrageous thing. I told Doug that at least on the surface it looks like this is simply a passage about cutting the feelings out of our obedience, just do what God says, don’t ask questions, it’s not personal, just do it. Obey regardless the cost. If that’s the point of the story then the cost here is much more than Isaac’s life. The cost is my belief in a God who loves. The cost is that I now must believe in a God who may test me even at risk to His very character, or at least the character that I think He has.
As I wrestled with this it was time for the worship service so I joined my family in our balcony seat. I found myself not willing to sing any of the songs until I read each word to be sure I agreed. And then I sort of sang them with reluctance; out of the side of my mouth. I found myself asking and being skeptical about each line. “God, are you loving? Are you kind? Do you care about me? Did you really care about Isaac?” The end still did not justify the means.
Finally I let myself express to God what was really in my heart. “God, I’m angry that You did this. Not just angry, I’m outraged. You went against Your own character, Your Law! You damaged Abraham, probably scarred Isaac for life and probably have driven countless seekers away from You as they get to this story in the Bible. God! I hate this story!”
I don’t remember what the sermon was about because this conversation or tirade was going on in my head the whole time. I was letting God have a piece of my mind.
Then I heard God ask me a question.
In the midst of my outrage, when it reached it’s pinnacle He said to me “David. You are outraged that I have done this, that’s good. It’s an outrageous command. You are angry with me that I would put Abraham through this even though in the end I stopped the knife and spared Isaac. You see this as a great scandal and it is.” And in my heart I began to scream all the louder “GOD! If that’s true then WHY!!!?” And He answered my question with one of His own “Where is your outrage at My sacrifice? I did not withhold the knife from My own Son. I did not wrestle for three days with the possibility of losing My Son, I actually lost Him for three days! Where is your outrage? Why do you not see that scandal?”
I had put myself into the story as Abraham and so I couldn’t understand it. But I’m not Abraham, I’m Isaac. But in the story Isaac is innocent, I’m not. In the story it’s just a ram. An animal sacrifice for a human life is a good trade (PETA might disagree but I’ll take that anyday). The reality is that the ram is Christ. Righteous sacrificed for unrighteous. Innocent given over for the guilty. How could I be so outraged at this story and not at the much greater scandal of the Gospel? How have I taken the Gospel for granted, simply as part of the character of God. I have treated the Gospel like my mother saying “I love you”. She’s supposed to say that. God is supposed to do this.
But my reaction to the Gospel on Sunday became “My God! What have You done!”
And then it was time for communion.
I suppose what is important to me is the Gospel. Not the trite motherly “I love you” but the real Gospel. I so want to be taken deeper by it, and I want others to be drawn deeper too. The cross has become a cultural icon so that people wear it as though it’s a pretty ornament, jewelry to accessorize my outfit. Christians put fish or crosses on their business cards as if to say “if you’re a Christian you have to deal with me because I’m a Christian too”. Preachers talk about the Gospel in context of an altar call as though we need cleansing to “get in” but then they quickly hand us a list of distracting things that make us forget the cross.
The Gospel is the air I breathe. Anything less smothers me. Anything mixed in poisons me. I received a full dose on Sunday and it has changed me again. I can’t go back.
